Persona 3 Abridged Episode 1 Script

The following is the script for the first episode of Persona 3 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.

Script
-Guy falls in front of train-

Train conductor: We apologize for the inconvenience, our uh… one passenger. Please sit tight for the rest of the trip. Or stand. What the fuck ever.

-EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR OPENING-

Train conductor: We’ve arrived at Gekkoukan Station. Now, please remember. Look both ways… before jumping in front of the fucking train. Asshole.

-dark hour happens, music stops-

Makoto: [deep sigh] This knock-off ipod’s deader than my parents…

-Walks into the dorm-

Makoto: Freeze! This is the cops! Just kidding. I’m robbing you.

Pharos: I already called dibs. Try next door. Nah I work here. Hey, sign this. It’s nothing too important, just—

-Makoto signs it-

Pharos: iTunes gets away with a lot of shit because of people like you.

-Black thing happens-

Pharos: Okay, whoa! What’s going on! Quick grab my hand! Grab my hand! AAAAAAA-

Makoto: Nice talk, buddy.

Yukari: Who you calling buddy, pal??

Makoto: Short guy in stripes—is that a gun?

Yukari: Yeah, and it’s loaded!

Mitsuru: It’s not real.

Yukari: Shit!

(power goes on)

Mitsuru: Don’t worry, Yukari. He’s the new transfer student.

Makoto: Also, I’m robbing you. If you need me, I’ll be in my room.

Mitsuru: Yukari, make sure he doesn’t take anything.

(transition)

Yukari: So, this is your room.

Makoto: This is a door.

(transition)

Train Conductor: ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY! BRACE FOR IMPACT!

People: (Screaming)

Yukari: I hate awkward silences. So uh… how do you like the train ri--?

Makoto: I don’t like trains. They got one track minds.

Yukari: Eh, good one.

(transition)

Yukari: And welcome to Gekkoukan High! So, what do you think?

Makoto: Train should’a parked closer. Too many stairs.

Ms. Toriumi: Junpei Iori?

Junpei: Sup!

Ms. Toriumi: Yukari Takeba?

Yukari: Here.

Ms. Toriumi: Makoto Yuki?

Makoto: Mm.

Ms. Toriumi: Okay. Bye.

Student A: What about the rest of us?

Junpei: Hi, you know what you look like you need? Some Junpei!

Makoto: Leave.

Junpei: Don’t worry. First 30 days are free.

Yukari: Iori! Stop harassing the new kid!

Junpei: You already had your trial! Now pay up!

Yukari: You really need to set a good example for the school, Junpei. Hey, Makoto, you know what you look like you need? Some—

Mitsuru: Takeba! Stop harassing the new kid! We need you in the chief director’s office.

Junpei: Alright, so I’ll put that on your tab then?

Yukari: Fuck off!

(transition)

Yukari: Did you steal his permanent record?

Ikutsuki: For the last time, I work here (pause), so yes. Alright, let’s see here… Name: Makoto Yuki, Age: 16. Ten years ago his parents- Oooh, I’m just gonna put these away.

Mitsuru: Maybe he can work with us.

Ikutsuki: I mean he’s been through worse.

Yukari: That’s fucked up.

Ikutsuki: Then it’s settled. We’re putting cameras in his room. Yukari, hold onto these.

Yukari: Uh, sure?

Ikutsuki: But give ‘em back when you’re done. They’re mine.

(transition)

Makoto: I can't stand trains. So why am I standing?

Igor: Hello? Is this thing on?

(sound of hitting a mic)

Igor: Aherm. Okay. Welcome to the Velvet Room, Makoto… Yuuuuu? I can’t read this your hand writing is really awful.

Elizabeth: Yuki.

Igor: Yuki!

Igor: We heard you didn’t read the contract. Jokes on you. You’re stuck with us now! It’s alllll downhill from here!

(key appears)

Igor: What the fuck?!

Elizabeth: This is the key to our room.

Igor: How is that key floating like that?

Elizabeth:  Take this key and keep it safe. Stop by whenever you need us.

Igor: Yeah, but don’t stay long.

(as it fades)

Igor: Think he could tell I was new?

Elizabeth: Probably.

Natsuki: Hey Nerd! I brought you some books! So you can READ! You nerd!

Bully1 Bully2 Natsuki: *Laughter*

Fuuka: …Okay?

(Makoto picks up her books)

Fuuka: Oh, thank you for helping me.

Makoto: Nah, I’m taking ‘em with me.

Koromaru: (howling sound)

(Morgenstemning plays)

Victimfriend 1: And then I was like, “Hey, check out my sweet ass-ride,” and she was like “What’s an ass-ride?”

Victimfriend 2: She didn’t know what an ass-ride was? Oh my God.

Victim: Huh… Okay guys quite playing around, it was funny once, but it’s starting to get old.

(hathoull sound effect)

(Makoto: snores a bunch)

Yukari: You know, this is kinda creepy. Can we stop?

Ikutsuki: Sometimes you’ve got to get your hands dirty for the truth.

Mitsuru: And the truth is…?

Ikutsuki: Spying on students is boring and lame.

Mitsuru: I dunno. I’m kinda gettin’ into it.

Akihiko: Mitsuru! I’ve got some good news and some bad news.

Mitsuru: What’s the good news?

Akihiko: For the sake of my joke, I’ll give you the bad news.

Mitsuru: *Sigh* What’s the bad news?

-The sounds of shadows-

Akihiko: Take a guess.

Yukari: And the good news?

Akihiko: There is none. I thought it would break the ice.

Yukari: Didn’t work.

-First floor-

-Akhiko breaks through the door-

Mitsuru: Akihiko! You alright?

Akihiko: Yeah. Made it to home base. We’re safe now.

Mitsuru: So you lost them on the way here?

Akihiko: Mmmmmmm…..

-Shadows hit door-

Yukari: You led them back to base?

Akihiko: Didn’t do it on purpose.

Mitsuru: Takeba!

Yukari: You can call me Yukari, you know. Jeez.

(pause)

Mitsuru: Go upstairs and take Makoto to the roof.

(sounds of pounding on a door)

Yukari: Makoto! Wake up!

Makoto:  I’m already awake. You guys party hard.

(Yukari takes Makoto and they run to the roof)

Makoto: Wait, hold up for a sec.

Yukari: Why are we stopping?

Makoto: Why are we running?

Yukari: If we don’t, we’ll die!

Makoto: Are you afraid of dying, Yukari?

Yukari: Well, yeah.

Makoto: Me too. Let’s go.

Magician: Hey.

Yukari: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! (long-ish scream that ends up a like “oof!” or “ugh!” kind of sound)

Makoto: (to himself) Oh, that’s why we’re running…

Makoto: Oof.

Yukari: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (she’s running with an injured leg)

Magician: So did I miss or what?

Yukari: (out of breath) Okay. There’s no way he can climb up here.

Makoto: Hey, he’s climbing up here.

Yukari: Awww! He’s climbing up here!

Yukari: (still out of breath) Don’t worry, Makoto! Everything’s under control!

Makoto: Doesn’t look like it.

Magician: (attack sound)

Yukari: Ah!!

Makoto: (a little louder than usual) So can I worry now?

Magician: Alright, peace.

Makoto: Well, there’s always one way out.

Pharos: So I got out there. That was weird! What I miss?

Makoto: Per

Pharos: Whoa whoa whoa!!

Makoto: So

Pharos: Put the gun down! Put the gun-

Makoto: Na!

* Bang*

Pharos: Oh God!

Orpheus: Bet you didn’t expect this to happen, huh, Makoto?

(shot of Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Ikutsuki)

Magician: Oh, hey.

Orpheus: Okay, Makoto! Time to show you what I’m made o—aslkdfjaslkdfj

(Fight scene with Thanatos)

(shot of Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Ikutsuki)

Orpheus: Hey, what happened?

(shot of Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Ikutsuki)

Makoto: Is it over?

Yukari: Yes?

Makoto: Good.

-Falls down-