Persona 4 Abridged Episode 3 Script

The following is the script for the third episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.

Script
Igor: Snooooore

Margaret: (whispering angrily) Shhhhhh. He’s sleeping. Please. For the love of God. Don’t. Say. Anything.

Igor: Snore noise

EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES

(sad music disappears when Chie appears)

Chie: IS THAT A POKEMON?

Yukiko: No, it’s a—

Chie: MY FAVORITE POKEMON’S CHARMANDER! WHAT’S YOURS?

Yukiko: My mom won’t let me play video games. I have to work all day.

Chie: OH. CAN I HAVE YOUR DOG?

Yukiko: …

Chie: I’M CHIE. LET’S BE FRIENDS.

Narrator: LATER THAT DAY

Chie: Guys! Yukiko’s missing!

Yosuke: Lost her again?

Yu: Have you considered getting a leash?

Yosuke: Tried calling her yet?

Chie: Duh. Do you think I’m stupid?

(short pause. Then she picks up her phone and dials Yukiko)

Chie: Hello, is Yukiko there?

Pizza man: NAH MAN ITS DOMINOS!

Chie: Oh, well while we’re here. Yeah? Yeah. Everything please. Okay. You too. Buh bye.

Yosuke: So is she safe?

Chie: Eh, she wasn’t home.

Yosuke: Can I ask you a favor?

CHIE KICKS HIM

Yosuke: Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Kou: W’sup, Brosuke? You know what you need?

Yosuke: aaa………

Kou: That’s right, bruh! To join the B-ball club!

Yosuke: I dunno if that’s for me, dude.

Kou: A’ight, I’m puttin’ you down as a maybe!

AT JUNES

Yosuke: Well she’s not here.

Yu: Guys, the TV bit me again.

Yosuke: Bad TV! BAD!

Teddie: Sorry.

Clerk: Can I… help you?

Yosuke: You need to teach your TVs some manners!

Clerk: Yeah, I’ll get on that. (to himself) what the fuck?

(pause)

Chie: GASP! What if the TV ate Yukiko?!

Yosuke: You could be onto something! We should check our TV’s tonight!

(Yu’s watching Tom and Jerry)

Yukiko: Welcome to the [short pause] Midnight Channel.(S’gotta sound inviting and positive)

Shadow 1: Who let her on stage?

Shadow 2: I don’t know. She just sort of walked in.

Shadow 1: Eh, roll with it. I like where this is going.

Yukiko: Okay ew. I’m only a sophomore.

Shadow 1: More you say?

Shadow 2: Boss, that wasn’t very funny.

Shadow 1: I don’t pay you to laugh. Wait, what is she doing with that--

Yukiko: How about more of that camera in your ass?

Shadow 1: OH MY GOD! (gross sound effects)

Shadow 2: The ratings are sky-rocketing!

Yosuke: Dude, did you see that?!

Yu: Yeah, I know. Tom gets closer every time.

Yosuke: What?

Weather lady: We have a slight chance of japan today!

Nanako: Eh, it’s another re-run.

Yu: Uh. I’m gonna go now.

Yosuke: Hey new kid. WATCH THIS!

Yu: Okay, do you ever actually think? Like… at all?

Yosuke: (Sword-licking noise) Ow!

Cop: There are two armed teenager in the Junes Food Court. Requiring back-up. Bring weapons.

Yosuke: (with lisp) WE’RE INNOCENT!

Yu: Officer! Help! He’s trying to kill me!

Adachi: And that’s when he told me never to bring weapons to a food court. I hope this taught you a valuable lesson.

Yu: How long have you been talking?

Chie: Yosuke! Narukami! Uh, other guy! Yukiko’s missing!

Yu: Are you serious?

Yosuke: Why do you think I brought swords?

Adachi: Yukiko...? You know, that name sounds kind of familiar. Oh! Let me check my BOOK OF BASELESS ACCUSATIONS. Hm... Mitsuo Kubo, Taro Namatame, Mayumi Yamano, Shu Nakajima, Shuji Ikutsuki, *cough*Tohru Adachi*cough* Igor, and uh... oh! Here it is. Yukiko Amagi. She's one of our prime suspects for the murder of Miss Yamano and Saki.

Chie: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Yosuke: Chie, we're already in trouble with the cops. Please don't attack an officer.

Dojima: What am I doing here and why am I yelling?

Chie: Last time I ever blindly trust an officer. Let’s go see what’s on TV.

Chie: So are you sure she’s in here?

Teddie: Wait, you were following me? That’s not good.

Yu: Now let’s think about this before we go barging i—

Chie: FEEL THE RAW POWER OF STEAAAAK!

Yosuke: She left while you were talking.

Yu: I guess we should follow her in.

Yosuke: Hey, I just found a treasure chest with boots in it.

Shadow Chie: Hello there, Chie.

Chie: YOU LOOK LIKE ME!

Shadow Chie: I am you.

Chie: Noooo, I’m pretty sure I’m me.

Yosuke: Whoa, what’s goin’ on here?

Yu: There are two Chies.

Yosuke: But which is the real one? Dun dun duuuuuuuuuun.

Yu: Iunno, probably the one with the undead eyes.

Chie: Wait wait wait. You mean without, right?

Shadow Chie: Does that count? That totally counts, right? Fuck it. I’m just transforming.

Yu: Okay, what the fuck is that?

Shadow Chie: It’s a banana.

Yu: Why is it a banana?

Shadow Chie: I represent all the fears and secrets Chie tries so desperately to hide.

Chie: I’m not afraid of bananas.

Yosuke: Wait a minute. Bananas? You watched Space Chimps, didn’t you?

Chie: No!

Shadow Chie: Good not great. Hiya!

Yosuke: What do we do now?!

Teddie: YOU HAVE A PERSONA!

Igor: Snoooore.

Margaret: Narukame. Pst. Narukame. You have the ability to use multiple personas based on the bonds you form with other people.

Igor: (wake up noises) Margaret?

Margaret: (whisper fast-ish) Oh shit I gotta go. Don’t forget. Personas. Bye.

Igor: MARGARET, WHAT ARE YO—

Yu: I SUMMON: PYRO JACK!

Pyro Jack: Eeeh!!

Jiraya: This is a hairy situation. Aa!

Yu: Yosuke!

Yosuke: Right!

Yu/Yosuke: Persona!

Jiraya/Pyro Jack: Various fighting noises

Shadow Chie: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Yosuke: That was hot… get it? Funny, right?

Yosuke: Sorry, sir. We’ve gotta take your kid.

Kid: Daddy?

Angry man: You can’t do that, you little shit!

Yosuke: Don’t get mad at me. Company policy.

Angry man: Hrmm….

Yosuke: Hey, dude. I just work here.

Yu: So why’d we leave before saving Yukiko?

Chie: Eh I got thirsty.

Yu: We’re going back in, right?

Chie: So here’s my dog! Isn’t it cute?

Yu: Lovely.

Chie: You know, I forget who took the picture…

Taro: Reeeplay.

Shadow Chie: I AM YOUR TRUE COLORS!

Chie: My favorite color is steak!

Yu: So… if that banana on your head was because you had watched Space Chimps… what was all that other stuff about?

Chie: Oh, even my shadow self knows not to talk about that.