Persona 4 Abridged Episode 4 Script

The following is the script for the fourth episode of Persona 4 Abridged, unedited from its original form. Some content may have been changed.

Script
Margaret: He hasn’t been moving in a while. I think he’s dead. Well I hope so.

Igor: I can hear you, you know.

Margaret: What’re you gonna do about it?

Igor: Foiled again.

EVERY DAY’S GREAT AT YOUR JUNES

Teddie: GOAL! AND THAT’S THE GAME!

Yosuke: You’re staying in the car next time.

Teddie: Aw…

Chie: Who. Built. All. These. STAIRS?

Chie: IT’S YUKIKO!

Yu: Am I seriously the only one who notices the glowing yellow eyes? If I am, shoot me now.

Yosuke: We only brought swords.

Chie: If she’s not Yukiko… Then who are you?!

Yukiko: I am you…Kiko. Sorry. I thought I rehearsed this.

SHE RUNS

Chie: Oh no! It’s gonna take forever to get past all these monsters!

Yu: Or we could just, y’know, run past ‘em. It’s not hard catching a girl in heels and a dress.

Suitor: Come on, it’ll be great! We’ll catch a movie, karaoke.

Chie: GET LOST, ASSHATS!

Suitor: SHE’S ONTO US! RUN!

Chie: Saved by Chie once again!

Yukiko: I was gonna say yes.

Chie: No need to thank me.

Shadow Yukiko: Chie Satonaka? More like COCKBLOCKING HO-BAG!

Yukiko: What the… Hm… That reminds me of something.

Gossiping girl 1: The head cheerleader’s pregnant.

Gossiping girl 2: Again?

Gossiping girl 1: And you’re the father!

Gossiping girl 2: No way!

Yukiko: Oh right. No. The bird.

HARP NOISE AND FADE TO WHITE

Chef: Here, take these to room number—eh, just drop ‘em somewhere.

Yukiko: Siiigh

Entertainer:  Eh! Squirrels, I swear to God!

Yukiko: Siiigh

Employee: Hey… Hey! Move! Some of us are getting paid here!

Yukiko: Siiiigh

Bird: EAGLE SCREAM!

Chie: Yeah, and they’re performing this weekend!

Morooka: SIT DOWN. WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A LECTURE!

Yukiko: Siiiigh

BREAKING GLASS

Drunk guy: The sushi! It’s aliiiive!

Yukiko: Siiiigh

Yukiko: You and I are… birds of a feather. Oh God, I hope no heard that.

Yukiko: But then that bird had to die…

Yukiko’s Mom: YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT CAN YOU? You had to take care of ONE bird and you-

Yukiko: But I’m sure I closed-

Yukiko: I ATE YOUR BIRD!!!!

Chie: Hey, Yukiko? Where is everyone?

Yukiko: Class was over six hours ago.

Chie: Wow, time sure flies when you’re having fun.

Yukiko: And it’s slower when your bird’s dead.

Shadow Yukiko: You loved that bird, didn’t you?

Yukiko: What? Who are you?

Shadow Yukiko: I am a shadow. The TRUE INNER SELF! Nailed it!

Chie: Yukiko!

Yukiko: Chie!

Teddie: Teddie! Aw…

Shadow Yukiko: God, I hate you people. I wanna go someone FAR AWAY to a place where nobody knows my name!

Yosuke: Oh! I see what’s goin’ on here, Brokiko!

Yu: Ugh…

Yosuke: Let me spell it out for ya!

(Note that when your character starts singing, they’re singing for the rest of the song and not just the part that has their name on it)

Yosuke: SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME!

Chie: AND THEY’RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME!

Teddie: YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME!

Yu: YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME!

Shadow Yukiko: …No, I kinda mean the exact opposite of that.

Yosuke: Oh. Well now I feel stupid.

Yukiko: What? But I would never think that!

Shadow Yukiko: That’s where you’re wrong.

LONG PAUSE

CHANDELERE FALLS

Ara Mitama: AVAST YEE, BRAVE SOUL! NO ONE GETS PAST THE GREAT ARA MITAMA!

Chie: Uh…

Yukiko: OH JESUS!

Chie: You okay?

Shadow Yukiko: Shit, that wasn’t supposed to… Uh… Lemme just uh…

Yukiko: FUCKING!

Jiraya: I’VE GOT Y—AAAAAH!

Yosuke: Snort laugh

SHADOW YUKIKO TRANSFORMS

Shadow Yukiko: …Caw….

Yosuke: Hey! Despite all her rage she’s still a bird in a cage!

Yu: Not funny!

Yosuke: Damn it!

Shadow Yukiko: Guess I should probably… uh… Take that!

Chie: Wah!

Yosuke: How is my skin not coming off?

Teddie: I’m BEARly still alive!

Jiraya: I’ll redeem myself! Oh no cage beats wind!

Chie: Sit back and see how it’s—GOD DAMN IT!

Teddie: Well that escalated quickly.

Chie: Yukiko… Why would you want to throw it all away? You had everything!

Yukiko: Not friends I can tolerate…

Chie: Uuuuh—even so! There’s a bird in your heart! And there’s a bird in mine too! We just have to LET THE BIRD GO! ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER TO BREAK THIS CAGE!

Yukiko: Maybe you’re right. Maybe I can just—nope, still made of solid.

Chie: Try uh… wiggling it a little bit.

Yukiko: Oh there it goes!

Chie: Yukiko!

Yukiko: Chie!

Teddie: YEAH YEAH THAT’S NICE BUT I THINK YOU’RE FORGETTING THERE’S A GIANT BIRD MADE OF ANGER AND FIRE THAT’S NOW ANGRIER AND FIERIER!

Yosuke: You know what that means, Jiraya!

Jiraya: AAAA! I DID IT! I GAVE THE FINISHING BLOW!

Tomoe Gozen: HIIIIYA!

Jiraya: GOD. DAMN IT!

Chie: I’m sorry, Yukiko. I never took the time to understand what you were going through.

Yukiko: Eh, I don’t really care about your feelings either.

Chie: Oh Yukiko! You always know how to cheer me up!

Yukiko: And as for you. You know I have claustrophobia. Fuck your fucking cage, you ass.

Shadow Yukiko: Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Yosuke: That’s Yukiko’s persona? Can I have it?

Yukiko: So… what the fuck is that?

Teddie: Oh, just an endangered species of bear. You better take good care of me.

Yukiko: Uh, alright. How can I help?

Teddie: Well now that you mentioned it. HUHUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yukiko: How do I look?

Yu: Like an anus.